just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
