My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
