just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
