There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
