So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
