It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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