im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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