We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
