ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
