i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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