I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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