I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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