Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
