allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
