Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
