Will you blow on my dice?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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