i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
