is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
