u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
operation harelip BJ is a go
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
