He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
