This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
