remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
