3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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