Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
