Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
