um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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