So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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