Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sober January is a disaster.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
