Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
