I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
