In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The power of my boobs compel you
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
