We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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