I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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