If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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