and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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