Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
