Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
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How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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