I feel like abortions should bother me more
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
