I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My balls are so social today.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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