This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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