She's JV to your varsity
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
