The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
