I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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