I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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