I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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