I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
