"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
