grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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