So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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