I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
