Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
