Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
