mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Help. Why am I so naked?
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