You're earring is so big in my mouth
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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