Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
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Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
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The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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