Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
