wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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