Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
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my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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