I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
