so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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