Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize