I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
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