I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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