My nipple is on Facebook.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
