He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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