we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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