hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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