The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
