i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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