i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
