a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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