Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
