what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
