***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Holy sore nipples Batman
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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