fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
