I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
